Age Defying Irken Technology
by cgaussie
Summary: What happens when Zim doesn't eat his Life Giving Pellets? Oh dear. Read on to see.


Age Defying Irken Technology  
Written by: Cartman's Girl  
  
Notes: I dunno.. I don't like this as much as I thought I would. It sucks.  
  
Zim grumbled to himself, as he leant his head against his control panel. His head was as empty as Crazy Taco after GIR would binge in there. His most recent plan of taking control of the planet had been a gigantic flop. How did he know that taking the planet's sausages wouldn't bring horror and dismay to people? They just killed more animals.  
  
"This is PATHETIC!" he screeched, breaking the silence. "What am I to do now I have no ideas?! I can't be out of ideas, I am ZIM! Fountain of ideas! COME ON!" Zim clenched his hands into fists, knocking them up against his head. "WORK! I need ideas! IDEAS!" but of course, giving yourself brain damage gets you no where.  
  
Suddenly it dawned on him he hadn't had his life pellets yet. He pulled his shirt up, his hand vanishing into his pouch. Yes, Irken's have pouches. It's where they keep anything of vast importance. Like life pellets. Or smeets. Depends if you're male or woman. Course, males can nurse the babies too but that's a whole different story.   
  
Zim pulled the small package out. It looked like a box of fizz, but had Irken writing on it. He sighed, opened it up and stuck his depressor in; then pulled it out and sucked on it. Seeing how Zim was now living on an alien planet, he couldn't get food genetically made to suit the Irken body. So he had to eat the life pellets every day at a specific hour or he'd… well he wasn't sure. But he knew it was bad. Bad.  
  
"HI MASTER WHAT YOU DOING?!" GIR suddenly screeched, making Zim yelp and drop his life pellet box. He was too engaged in being furious to notice all the contents fall out, and the small crystals fall between the cracks in his base.  
  
"GIR! I've told you DON'T sneak up on Master when-oh no!" Zim yelped, falling to his knees and scratched at the floor. "My life pellets! They were meant to last me for another week before the next supply arrive!" his eyes were wide in panic. If his body didn't get its daily intake of nutrients and energy…  
  
"Aw, Master bum!" GIR thus pinched Zim's behind. Making Zim yelp, and kick GIR up the head.  
  
"KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" Zim screeched, before drumming his fingers across his lips. Oh what was he to do now? He had a week before the next month's shipment of pellets would arrive. Without them… GIR picked his head up from where it had landed; halfway across the room. Zim was a good kicker.  
  
"What're you to doooo?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. Zim's antennae straightened.  
  
"I shall… LICK THE FLOOR!" which was what he did. Sliding his long, agile and segmented tongue across the floor he was able to pick up a few crystals, but not enough to sustain him. He then pushed his tongue down between the cracks, thus getting electrocuted.  
  
**  
  
"This is worse then I thought!" Zim, now two days later was sat on the couch. That morning he had had trouble walking, his legs seemed wobbly and not going where he wanted them to. He'd crashed and fallen over a number of times. To humans, you'd say he was walking like a toddler.  
  
"Have a good day at skool honey!" his Mom Bot wheeled up, holding up a bag that read 'Rancid Meat' on it. Zim's eyes widened.  
  
"Oh no, oh no! Skool!" Zim toddled past the Mom Bot and out the door. Before realising he had forgotten his wig. He pulled it on, as well as his contacts and started making his way down the street. Making sure to grab at things to keep himself steady.  
  
Finally he was a few blocks away from the skool when he stopped. His eyes lifted to the sky, and he saw… kites! Such beautiful kites! Big ones, small ones, some as big as his head… they were so mesmerising. Zim began drooling somewhat, before grinning.  
  
"Pretty!" he chirped, before he began heading off in the direction of the kites, but then snapped out of it. "Wuah! No, no kites! SKOOL!" Zim turned himself around, and marched/toddled his way up the path of the Skool and pushed the doors open. Oh great, he was late. That was never good. Then… he forgot what classroom he was in! What number was it again? Did it have a number? What was his teacher's name?  
  
Eventually he saw his room, he could tell from the shadow of Ms. Bitters' on the wall opposite. He squealed happily before opening the door, tumbling through and sitting down on his seat. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him. And good reason. He was a mess. Dirt, some sort of food stuffs and a bandaid was stuck to him. Why? He'd fallen over many times.  
  
"What's wrong ZIM, caught a deadly disease that makes you magnetic to junk?" Dib sneered, then chuckled. Zim just poked his tongue out at the human, rather childishly before leaning forward and staring at awe of Ms. Bitters as she kept ranting on about something about the health system and how they were all doomed to die.  
  
This is when the girls in the class, suddenly realised how… cute Zim was. Not cute in the attractive fashion, but cute in the 'Oh my God it's so cute!' sense. Zita grinned, leaning forward.  
  
"Who's a big boy?" she grinned, Zim blinked before looking back at her. His usual reaction would have been to tell her to shove off, or something similar. Today though, he grinned cheekily at her before giggling. This thus resulted in having his chin tickled. Oh isn't it disgusting? Yes. Yes it is.  
  
Dib just stared. It was all he could do. The whole day passed like this, girls in the lunch room giving Zim their lunches. He'd just chew on them cutely and getting the mess all over his face thus prompting the girl to clean his face. It was sickening. Even Ms. Bitters seemed to go easy on him, saying something like how they grow up too fast.  
  
The other guys were confused too. The only thing they noticed about Zim was that he seemed to smell rather bad and drool too much. Dib on the other hand, having a highly superior brain of sorts, he had also noticed Zim was shorter. Before they were of equal height, but now Zim was a good inch or even more shorter them him.  
  
Finally it was home time, and all the kids cheered as they ran out. Dib watched the Irken stumble from his seat and out the door, now making bizarre goo and cooing noises as he went. Also drooling. Dib got up and followed him out, watching as he slowly walked down the steps.  
  
"Hey ZIM?" Dib suddenly asked, making the alien eep and fall on his bottom at the bottom of the steps… cutely. Yes.  
  
"Geh?" was all Zim could utter. Seemed his vocabulary skills had been shrinking like his height.  
  
"What is UP with you today? I mean… a whole day's passed and the Skool hasn't burnt down or blown up." He folded his arms, narrowing an eye. "Is this some scheme to make all the girls call you cute and drool a lot or something?" Zim wasn't listening, he was playing with dirt. "LISTEN TO ME!" 

This startled Zim, making him 'eep' and seemingly shrink down another inch in the process. He stared at Dib, eyes wide and shining before he erupt into tears. Yes, Zim was bawling like a… oh so now you get what's going on? Yes, congratulations! You win… this can of air! Don't use it all up at once.  
  
Seemed when Irken bodies no longer consumed life pellets, their bodies went into reverse. Thus aging them down into their smeet form of brain and body. That's why Zim had seemingly become incredibly adorable to the girls, he was a baby in their eyes now. And a stinky thing to boys, cause you know how guys are around babies.  
  
Back to the story. Dib stares blankly at the wailing Zim, who's now rolling on his back and kicking his legs feebly in the air as he continued crying about his hurt bum. It was at this point Dib was ambushed by females. Yes, girls and teenage girls! Even the angsty gothic ones!  
  
"How could you scream at a baby you big headed freak!?"  
  
"Picking on a defenceless baby!"  
  
"You're UGLY!"  
  
"You baby beater!"  
  
"Get him before he becomes a wife beater!"  
  
And so on and so forth. During the scuffle, Zim rolled over onto his front and crawled off. He'd grown bored with crying and such, so he was just gonna crawl around for a while and see where that gets him.  
  
Eventually Zim crawled his way home, leaving behind him a trail of destruction. How? People swerve to miss hitting a green baby thus resulting in car crashes, cars crashing into buildings, women shrieking in horror and so forth. He then pulled himself to his wobbly legs, and shoved the door open and toppled in.  
  
It was here, we see just how small Zim's grown in such a short amount of time. He stands up again, but falls over since his clothes are now kinda too big. This is when GIR arrives!  
  
"Master, a parcel came for- Master?" if he could, GIR would blink. He stares at the smeet who stares back blankly. The two continue to stare for a long time. "BABY!"  
  
"Smeeeeet!" Zim squealed happily, waving his arms. GIR picks Zim up, giggling as the smeet giggles in response.  
  
"LET'S PLAY IN THE MUD!" GIR screeched, Zim, having no idea what this shiny thing just said, glees happily. GIR grabs Zim by the middle and carries the little thing, upside down mind, outside. Zim blinks a couple times until he's dropped into a muddy pile and sits up.  
  
"Wanna cake?" the robot held out his hand which held a mud cake. Zim tilted his head at it before reaching forward for it; but he was too top heavy now and thus fell over face flat in the mud. Uh oh, can't even stand up by himself now. GIR stares for a while, before rolling the smeet over onto his back.  
  
"You tired already??" he asked, gawk-eyed and such. Zim just cooed before trying to see if he could fit his foot into his mouth. Seeing how he couldn't, he gave up and thus sucked on his thumb. GIR narrowed an eye cam, wondering what to do with the baby.  
  
"HUNGRY??" GIR screeched, causing Zim to jump and thus erupt into tears again. He wailed, tiny hands forming fists and kicked his tiny legs in the air as he wailed. Yeah he was hungry but the sudden shrieking had alarmed him and thus scared the little fella. GIR blinked uneasily, grabbing Zim by the arm and dragging him back into the base and setting him on the floor.  
  
"Uhm, urhmmm…" that's when GIR remembered, those sparkly thingies Master always ate had arrived in the box! Hurrying from the room GIR grabbed a jar of it and ran back into the room with a spoon he pulled from his head. Dipping it into the stuff he held it out to the still wailing Zim, "It's nummy num!" he said, grinning widely.  
  
Zim wailed.  
  
GIR's bottom lip trembled. He set the jar down, grabbing the back of the tiny Irken's head to sit him up. Wait, had he just shrank again? No, couldn't possibly. With the other spoon he thus thrust the contents into Zim's mouth and thus down his throat. Zim stopped wailing, and started coughing. Oh look at him hack and cough!  
  
Suddenly, the magic happened! The Grinch's hearts grew three ti-wait, wrong story. Sorry. Zim stops coughing long enough for GIR to shovel another spoon full into the Irken's mouth. And another. And another. In mere seconds, Zim grew from a weak little smeet into a stronger, but still small, Irken before GIR with the spoon still in his mouth.  
  
"Ooooo! Look Mommy wow! You're a big boy now!" the robot declared. Zim simply smacked GIR's hand away.  
  
"Get AWAY from me GIR." Zim picked up the jar that was partly empty and walked into the kitchen with it. GIR sat there for a while staring after Zim. Then he burst into tears, the watery liquid rolling down his face.  
  
"THEY GROW UP SO FAAAAAASSSSST!"  
  
"BE QUIET!"  
  
[The End]


End file.
